The 2009 "Of The Year's"

It's New Year's Eve!

Besides getting rip roaring drunk and making out with anything in sight at the stroke of midnight, this is also the last day of the year, which is the perfect time to do a "Of The Year" list.

Many publications publish their "Best of" or their "Worst of" around this time, and I decided since my opinion is so highly respected and regarded, I should do the same. Though, my categories will be a little less predictable. So, while I still have 12 more hours of 2009, let's begin.

**Editor's Note** Some of my selections may or may not have been released in 2009. However, 2009 was the year that I discovered them, which is all that really matters since I'm the one concocting this list.


Category 1: Music

Music is my life. Anyone that knows me or reads this crappy blog I update every 7 weeks knows that. This year has been an interesting one in music. We had some high profile releases that debuted and were received with a dud. We had some releases that came out of nowhere and dominated the album charts. We had some releases that are just now beginning to pick up steam and word of mouth, months after being released. Below are my choices:

Album Of The Year:

Alicia Keys: The Element of Freedom

Six months ago I blogged about Lily Allen's "It's not me, It's you". I mentioned that it was half way through the year, but that it was shaping up to be my album of the year. I did, however, preface it by saying that anything could change, as there were tons more releases to be had, and that the major labels usually save their blockbusters for the 4th quarter. I was right.

Just 3 weeks shy of the new year, Alicia Keys released her 4th album, the absolutely incredible "The Element of Freedom", and knocked Lily out of the spot that she was, up until now, almost certain to claim.

I've always been a fan of Alicia Keys. I have every album, enjoy almost every single, think she's an incredible live performer and I respect her musicianship and talent. However, I never really gave much thought to her. I guess I was an unconscious fan. I just happened to buy every album, just happened to enjoy every single, etc. I have never seen her live, with the exception of a television project I was a part of a few year's ago, I've never immersed myself in her life story or gossip about her and I never really took her for anything more than face value.

Her new album, to me, has been marketed by her label terribly. I actually had no idea she even had a new album coming out, until I logged on to Itunes and saw it in the "New Release" column. I had only heard the single "Try Sleeping with a Broken Heart" once, on the American Music Awards, and had no clue that it was actually the SECOND single. The first being "Doesn't Mean Anything". I never saw a video, an interview, any press or television appearances. I suppose had I been more immersed in Keys' website, social networking outlets and newsletters, I would have expected the album.

It was Alicia Keys, I thought, and downloaded it without hearing anything about it.

What a surprise I was in for. Alicia has not only crafted her best album to date, but she's also managed to step up her game in a way that I never saw coming. "The Element of Freedom" is essentially a concept record. A break up album. But there is a story. The track listing is sequenced in a way(confirmed by Keys' herself), that takes the listener through heartbreak, in every stage. There is Anger ("Love is Blind", "Put it in a Love Song"), Heartache ("Love is my Disease", "Try Sleeping with a Broken Heart", "Doesn't Mean Anything"), Hope ("Wait to you see my smile", "Distance and Time") and lastly, Acceptance, ("Pray for Forgiveness").

It's a genius album that is so relatable to the listener(especially if you've ever gone through a break up), and so catchy and inspiring, it leaves you with a feeling of hope yourself. You're going to be OK. Listen to Alicia.

Runner Up's:

Lily Allen: It's Not Me, It's You

Rihanna: Rated R

I'd love to give Rihanna the top spot on this list, and actually probably would have, as she's crafted one of the best break up album's I've ever heard...except...she didn't craft any of it. She has barely any writing credit on the songs(some of which are the most personal and introspective pop songs I've heard in years), and for that reason, I can't give her anything more than a runner up position.


Category 2: Television

My god do I love TV. I love TV a little too much. I'll watch anything. Check my "Series Recording" tab on my DVR and you'll see everything from "Chelsea Lately" and "Pop Up Video", to "90210", "The Vampire Diaries", "Hoarders", "Grey's Anatomy" and "30 Rock". I'm a television schizophrenic. I'm all over the place, and I should probably be embarrassed by about 98% of the shows that I watch, but I'm not. I've learned to embrace what I enjoy. And with that being said...

Television Show of The Year:

True Blood

Is there anything more addicting that this show? HBO really got it right when it put this show on the air. At first glance, it looks like nothing more than a cheap attempt to capitalize off of the Vampire craze started by "Twilight", but look closer, and you'll see one of the most intelligent, thought provoking and clever shows since...well, since "Buffy, The Vampire Slayer".

Based on the Sookie Stackhouse novels by Charlaine Harris, "True Blood" encaptures everything a television addict could want: Wit, suspense, great story lines and acting and an uncanny way of making the unbelievable believable. And the way they do that, is one of the most intelligent aspects of the series: They make the Vampires the victims. In a not so subtle comparison to the Civil Rights movement of the 60's, or the Gay Rights movement that is currently underway, "True Blood" uses the ridiculousness of a "Vampires Rights Movement" to show us just how hateful we are at times. Many of the Vampires are, in fact, good, decent people, who never chose to be the creatures that everyone is so terrified of, only because they are different(sound familiar?), and with that storyline in place, viewers are treated to some of the best use of analogies since "Buffy".

My only complaint? It's exactly one YEAR between seasons. Season 3 won't be debuting until June '10. WTF?!


Runner's Up:

"Chelsea Lately"

I'll never grow tired of this hot bitch.


"The Bad Girl's Club"

Drunk Slut Alert! Drinking, Sluts, Catfights, Weaves, Short dresses while wearing no panties, Shit talking, yelling and fist fights....and we are only on Episode 4! I'm in "C" Heaven!!!!


Category 3: Film

Movies fucking SUCK. Seriously. I was the biggest movie buff growing up. Take my love of music now, and multiply it by one million and you'll get a taste of how much I used to love movies. Unfortunately, there are NO films this year that stood out to me enough to put them on a "Best of" list. Ridiculous, I know. Any films that were critically acclaimed that I caught("The Wrestler", "Juno") I didn't really think were THAT great. I did just watch "Burn after Reading" and "Revolutionary Road" last night, and both were good, but weren't good ENOUGH to be given the title of "Movie of the Year". So let's discuss the worst:

Worst Movie of the Year:

Bride Wars

I know, I Know, I KNOW! What was I thinking? The movie poster alone(our 2 heroines, standing back to back in matching wedding gowns and glares) should have warned me enough. But I was bored. I was bored, and I'm paying for HBO on demand, and I sometimes enjoy both Anne Hathaway and Kate Hudson, and I...OK, I'm done making excuses. I was self loathing. I wanted to inflict some unnecessary pain on myself.

This film is awful. It's awful in a "From Justin, To Kelly" kind of way, not a "Showgirls" kind of way. There is a difference. "Showgirls" is so bad, it's amazing. "From Justin, To Kelly" is so bad, it's unwatchable. The plot sounds like something from my dreams: 2 girls act catty when they book their weddings on the same day, at the same location, and do juvenile, hot things to get the other to switch their day. You had me at "2 Girls act Catty..."

But the execution is terrible. The pacing is off. The ending is SO.FUCKING.PREDICATABLE. and the writing is insulting to anyone who has, or has ever wanted, a vagina. What WOMEN did the writer of this movie associate with? The girls I know would handle this situation in 3 minutes: They'd beat the shit out of each other. The girls in the movie? They act like 6 years old. Dying each other's hair blue, switching out tanning oils to sabotage what was supposed to be a light, unnoticeable tan, fist fighting in the middle of the aisle at the wedding in Wedding Gowns(OK, that scene was kind of hot)!!!! I get that it's all in the name of an interesting movie. Cheap gags satisfy an audience more than seeing two women strip to their bra, panties and heels, going WWF on each other in mid November on the Brooklyn Bridge, while ice cold water is spilled on them every 4 minutes. I get it.

Still, this "movie" was complete garbage. Yes, this is coming from someone who has been known to watch "Showgirls" twice a week.


Category 4: "C's"

I'll never hide my love for a good "C". Click on the tag of this blog labeled "A Total C" and you'll catch my drift. This year saw the makings of new "C's", and the taming and downfall of some of my favorites, leaving me both heartbroken and hopeful.

Worst "C" of The Year:

Katherine Heigl

Never has a woman been discussed more on this blog than Katherine Heigl. She was the "C" of my dreams. She reigned supreme for 3 years as the total "C" of my heart. She complained. she berated, she smoked, she scowled, she smoked, she complained, she smoked, she bitched, she moaned, she smoked... She was the BEST! Every day I'd look forward to seeing how she'd top herself as the biggest "C" in Hollywood, and every day she never let me down. From chain smoking and giving her Heigl trademark "FUCK OFF" stare, to complaining about every project she's ever been a part of that's given her success, to spending more time correcting the announcer who mispronounced her name at the Emmys then to her speech when she WON an Emmy, to everything in between. My hero.

But what the FUCK has happened to her?! In the past 5 months, Heigl has done such a completely 180, that I don't even have time to cope with her betrayal. She quit smoking. She stopped complaining. She fucking ADOPTED a Korean newborn baby with her Husband! Who the FUCK is this woman and what has she done with my "C"?! My Queen, the woman I always looked to for advice when I wanted to tell someone to "Eat Shit!" simply by taking a drag of my Cigarette, is now probably sitting at home, Indian style, reading her DAUGHTER a story and debating how much money should go to each of the 11 Charities she's now a part of.

Heigl, It's been a great 3 years, but you are now OUT! You are no longer my "C". I can't. I CAN'T with you right now. I've given you so many chances to redeem yourself, but you've failed.

It's a New Year, and it's time for a New "C". So, as an end to this RIDICULOUSLY long Blog Post, below are my top picks for the 2010 "C" of my life:

Danielle, "The Real Housewives of New Jersey"

I've written about this "C" before. She hasn't totally penetrated my heart, but if she keeps being a "Prostitution Whore" and causing women to flip tables over at the sight of her, she's well on her way.

Flo, "The Bad Girl's Club"

Flo may end up being the manliest "C" I've ever worshipped. This bitch is BUTCH! Flo has gained a spot on my "Maybe" list, because not only does she resemble Shrek if Shrek was Italian and from Staten Island, but because she's out of her fucking mind. Be sure to catch the episode "Bad Girl's Club" where Flo has a FUCKING MENTAL BREAKDOWN because the other Housemates left her ass at a pool and went home. If you caught the episode midway through and saw Flo's behavior after the fact, you'd think the girls burned her family in front of her, banished every lesbian in the world to a submarine in the Bermuda Triangle and smoked every last one of her Virginia Slims as they did it.

Bitch goes APESHIT. Throwing furniture, screaming my favorite phrase "I am NOT the one, I am NOT the one!", threatening bodily harm, chain smoking like Heigl, and screaming like a complete LUNATIC the whole time. All because she didn't get a ride home with the other girls. Be.Still.My.Heart.

Annie Krasner, Personal Choice

Annie has been a loyal reader of this blog since it's inception, and is actually one of the reason's I started it in the first place. She's not a "C" in the way that Heigl, Danielle and Flo are, but she's earned a special place in my heart by being totally blunt, worshipping at the alter of Heigl and having a hot mom that raised her right. With some more Mike Fortino time, Annie could be a valuable asset to the "C" Community.


Well, I hope this was enough rambling to hold you over for another 9 weeks, which will probably be when I'll be able to gather my ridiculous thoughts and update this.

Leave some Feedback, Have a great Night and Have a Happy New Year!!!!!!!!!!!!!